I want to cry right now, I never expected anyone to gift me anything and I don't know what to say other than THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I really don't know if I can accept these it's just... too much!

I am officially back, I came home about 2 hours ago and it hasn't been easy.
I haven't felt Christmas-y for the last 4 years and I haven't had a Christmas tree or decorations in my house for 4 years as well, this certainly has lifted my spirits a little.

For those of you who may know I lost my Grandfather on Sunday, he died peacefully in his sleep it was for the best. He had been suffering Alzheimer's/dementia, he was going blind if not blind already and was constantly confused where he'd ask for my other dead relatives.
At one point, it great upset my mother as she went over to see him as he had to be moved to a home. No one was able to look after him, my cousin even moved in to help (where he previously lived) but she worked/traveled too far to care for him all the time. He was so bad he looked right at my mother and asked who she was? I felt bad as I hadn't seen my Grandfather for a year or more and I was sure if I seen him one last time he'd remember me.
He knows I have gone through more than most people and everytime he see me he asks "Have ye got som new teeth?". I would laugh at this but I just grow sad, wishing I came over sooner and hoping he'd recognise me, thinking it might ease my mothers pain.
As Irish people go, there is a wake for 2-3 days and then the funeral came, I was only able to make it barely for 1 of those wake days and it was nice. I caught up with cousins, uncles, aunts and various other family members who I hadn't seen between 1-3 year(s). It was abit overwhelming but at the same time sad as one cousin of mine mentioned that we really needed to meet up more often. We only seem to see a good amount of us together when someone dies.

As it happens December is a horrible month for me because 4 days from my grandfathers death I lost my aunt, she was only in her 50s and she left behind a family of six. My mother lost her only sister and it wasn't easy for her or me. I secretly thought of her as my favourite aunt but I can't really say that, they're all too good to me.
She died 4 years ago, I still think I hear her voice around the house or about to yell at one of my cousins for not doing something she asked. A year after her death I lost my grandmother and she became so unwell, sickened and I believe its due to the lost of my aunt. So everytime I hear 'remember, remember the 5th of November' I think of my grandmother as this was her day.

I'm still shaking from the rough sea's of my boat trip home but words cannot describe how grateful I am. I expect nothing, maybe even a sorry for your loss but you have out done yourself TAY. I bloody love you all!



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